I was sitting here at the computer and felt something funny in my chest. I started freaking out because I thought I might be getting ready to have (or in the middle of) a heart attack. I didn't tell anyone, I just took Rachel down to the grandparents house just in case. The decision to go was after about 10 mins. after it started and I felt like I was getting light headed. I stayed there until it went away.
I guess I realize that my so called feeling of "Euphoria" with the idea of dieing and going to be with you isn't really what I want. I was so scared that I was getting ready to die and I'm not ready. I've got to much living left to do.
I think I may take Rachel away in the RV Saturday if nothing more than just one night. I need to get away from here and relax.
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