Turkey Day

THANKSGIVING

Today is the day we traditionally go visit family just like every other American family. We don't actually give "thanks" to anyone for anything. We simply go out eat too much, come home, fall asleep, and go about our night. We don't ever think about what this holiday actually means.

I learned that Thanksgiving is a holiday because President Lincoln basically got tired of some woman pushing to celebrate the first meal that the pilgrims had. So, a woman bitches and I man gives in just to shut her up? The start of American life. :0)

Hey, it's a joke, don't bash me.

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I went to the Publix grocery store that Jennifer always liked (2 days ago). It's been a very long time since I have been to that store other than the bank inside. I got around to the back and had this overwelming rush of hate and anger. I saw this older couple getting things together for Thanksgiving. It just pissed me off. Why?

I keep thinking as I walked through the store how much I hate God. I was thinking, "I dare someone to ask me how am I doing." Such an innocent question that nobody really wants to know the answer to. If we truly told the person how we were doing, they would go running in fear. We need to connect more. I think I may do something for my neighbors when it warms up. Perhaps a large cookout. I'll think about it.

Anyway, that's it for now.

The Christmas Sweater ~ Glenn Beck

Yesterday my favorite Radio Talk show host was on a book signing tour. Glenn Beck (http://www.glennbeck.com/) has a new book called "The Christmas Sweater" out. It is a fabulous book and I have bought several to give away. In fact, I am thinking I will be buying some every week to just give away, I liked the book that much.

But, I am getting ahead of myself.

I have been looking forward to meeting Mr. Beck for the past two weeks. I think the people at work are tired of me talking about it. Well, I spent two weeks working on a letter to him. I wanted him to know how much I enjoy his show and how much of a positive effect he has had on me. I got up Saturday morning to find that Rachel had deleted the letter and the book that I have been working on for her over the past month. I did all I could to find it on the computer but was not succesful. This actually turned out to be a good thing because it was written with such a strong focus on the bad things I have been focused on for so long. When I finished his book before the signing I saw things in my life so much better. It opened my eyes to all the good things I still have and the new ones I have gained.

Well, I showed up for the signing and had so many things I wanted to say. My time came up to get the autograph. I approached the desk and he reached out and took my hand just as he did everyone else. He told me and the others "God Bless You" one at a time. I was so nervous that I was afraid I was going to say something stupid. As I turned to leave I looked at him and said, "I want you to know, your book is my Russell." Then I proceded to walk away. Then he did something I still can't believe.

Mr. Beck stepped out from behind the desk and his security force. He reached out, grabbed me, gave me a hug and told me "It will get better". I mumbled something about, "I lost my wife in January." With that I had to leave quickly because all this emotion came to me and I started to cry. He has no idea how much of a positive influence he has been. He doesn't know how much of a blessing he was with that one moment.

I thought I had been doing better but I was just getting used to being angry. I am even looking into going back to chruch after 20 years of being away. I'm ready to discover who I am. I am ready to become the man God wants me to be.

Thank you God and Glenn.

Sudden Rush.

I started writing a book yesterday. I got the idea from the movie "Notebook" that me and Jen loved. Anyway, it is being written to tell my daughter how her mother and I met and life was up until her death. It is also going to be about how we believe a person should live their life.

Pretty much everything we want to teach our kids but don't always.

I thought it was going to be easy but man, the memories that come back when you actually think about the past. Re-living all those important parts of life that formed who you are (or were) as a couple.

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I've been listening to music online and downloading it onto my MP3 player and one song came on and all of the sudden this huge rush of sorrow hit me. I started thinking of Jen and what I lost and BAM! It hit me. It was a short burst and it hurt like hell. Now it is over and I am leaving for work.