Better place

I've been in a better place these past two weeks. I have been very depressed and really thinking things I don't like.

Rachel has been asking more questions about her mom and even wrote her a letter telling her how much she misses mommy. It took all I had not to cry.

Then, after many months of looking I finally found her baby book. She and I looked in the van for it so many times and never found it. Then one day I happened across it. I think I found it because I was better able to handle it at this time. When I found it I was at work and I opened it up to the pictures of when Jen was almost 9 months along. God, I almost forgot how bueatiful she was.

Tonight Rachel wanted me to read it to her. Ah, so we get to the hard part. I told her I would read one page of it. I read it to her until I came to the point where Jen talked about meeting me. I had to stop there.

Jen, I miss you.

Still in love

How can you still be in love with a person who no longer exists? And, as long as your still in love, how can you love another?

Thanks Daughter

I have a cold coming on and feel like crap. I didn't sleep well last night but still I am up at 5:00 am. I got my little one up and made her lunch while she got dressed. Just about the time she finished she came to me and sat down on the couch.

Just like her mother used to do, she touched my head and told me I should stay home today and get some rest. Everyday her mannerisms are more and more like those of her mom.

I went to fix her hair and realized how lucky I am that I have the opportunity to raise this little angel. Sure at times she is a h@lls angel :) but an angel just the same. She is so much like her mother it is scary.